The Worst Team for The Job
by Tsarsilver
Summary: Loki goes and unexpectedly drops by the Avengers Tower to see Thor. But after an accident happens that no one can explain, the rest of the avengers are forced to help out the two gods and return them to normal.


"What the hell are you doing here?!"

Up until that point, the day had actually been rather peaceful in Stark tower, no one was attacking, arguments among the team were at a minimum, Fury was away on top secret business, which meant everyone could actually relax without having to constantly check behind their backs for any looming eyepatches. Because even the Avengers, earths mightiest heroes would reluctantly admit that Fury scared the crap out of them. Unfortunately their peace was interrupted when Loki arrived. And no, he didn't burst in with a flash of green light, wearing his horned helmet, which usually indicated a strong desire to see mankind bow at his feet, he instead opted for the surprisingly mundane choice of knocking on the door. Steve had been the one to unknowingly open the door for the trickster and had stood in the doorway confused, as Loki watched, smirking at the Captains discomfort.

" So, are you going to let me in?" Everyone was up in a flash, preparing for a battle with the god, but Tony just went right up to Loki, faces nearly touching,

" What the hell are you doing here?!" Tony said, anger ever present in his voice. Because while people touching his stuff was high up on his list of 'Things that really piss off Tony Stark' people intruding was farther up, _way _farther up on that list. It took everything he had to just banter with Loki when he found the god in his tower during the Chitauri invasion. And he could barley handle his team members making themselves at home, he would say that he couldn't count the number of times he had told Clint to keep his feet off the damn table, but he could. He had JARVIS document every time Tony was forced to remind him. He was currently up to 17 reminders and counting. Another thing that bothered him was that they were _Always _there. Before he could go out, find some hot woman who had as many drinks as he had, go back to his place and fuck. But after a certain incident where he came home to find a certain norse god of thunder, utterly wasted and singing in some unknown language, with Steve nest to him sobbing over a bottle of scotch, bringing home some random woman was out of the question. He was Iron Man for gods sake, he should be able to just say his name and have anyone he wanted crawl into bed with him. To sum it all up, people in his house = Pissed off Tony. So to see Loki, the same person who was supposed to be locked up in some weird god prison or whatever, standing in his doorway, struck a nerve.

Loki made a show of rolling his eyes, but still put his hands up in a gesture of peace, " You need not worry, my powers have been . . . limited. Or did you not realize this when I did not teleport inside your supposedly secure base? I honestly couldn't harm you if I wanted to." Despite this declaration of truth, the god still looked as if nothing would please him more than to inflict every possible torture onto the five of them.

"Loki, this is no time for jokes, tell us why you're here, or we'll be forced to attack." Steve said, his voice stern. Loki simply brushed off this question and proceeded to walk past him. Looking around the room that was filled with his mortal enemies, Loki was oddly calm, which worried the Avengers even further.

Turning back to Tony, the trickster said with a smile still present on his face, " Oh, it looks like you remodeled, I distinctly remember obliterating that wall right over there, and that bookshelf and those couches . . ." Loki said, pointing out the new objects. He just loved to rile up Thor and his friends, but his fun was interrupted by Tony,

"Yeah and I remember there being some pretty big cracks in the floor where Bruce flung you around like a rag doll, and the same thing will happen if you don't tell me exactly why the fuck your here?" Tony said, his voice a mixture of anger and taunting. Loki visibly paled at this reminder and Bruce gave a small wave and smiled.

Thor, who up until then had been strangely quiet about his brothers arrival, decided to step in, " Brother please, tell us why you are down here on Midgard. Have you broken free of your captivity?" Thor tried to keep his voice calm, but there was a slight edge to it, if Loki was here to wage war on mankind again, he _would _aid his team mates in stopping his slightly psychotic brother.

_ "_ Ah Thor, thick as ever, but no, I did not escape my prison. It was requested by Frigga that I come and visit you. It seems that she is under the impression that I could be "reformed" by spending time with you. I disagree."

"Wait, so who is this Frigga woman who let you out? Is that like your girlfriend or whatever you gods have?" Everyone turned to see that Clint had asked the question, but he wasn't done yet, "Oh god or gods, ugh I feel sorry for that poor woman for having to fuck you!" The archer had meant the insult to be directed at just Loki but looking back at the two gods in the room, they both looked ill, and had disgusted looks on their faces.

Thor was the first to speak but he sounded like he was just about ready to wring someones neck, "Barton, Frigga is our mother." Now it was Clint's turn to go pale. "Because you were unaware of this fact I shall not harm you, but insult her again and things will become very unpleasant for you." A weak sarcastic reply along the lines of, "Got it. No yo momma jokes." was about to be flung Thor's way, but instead a steely voice sounded,

"Not our mother, _your _mother. In case you had forgotten my heritage." The Asgardian didn't even give time for an awkward silence and went straight into trying to comfort his adopted brother, unsuccessfully to say the least.

" Loki, when will you ever see that you were always apart of our family, even though we share no blood, we are still brothers in battle. We are not that different."

"That is where you are wrong Thor, you see, I am the monster children check underneath their beds and inside their closets for. Do you not forget when we were small and we fell asleep to stories of the evil, terrifying Ice Giants. I am a monster and you are a prince. While you were _Always_ best at fighting, _Always_ excelling in winning peoples affections, _Always_ casting such a large shadow that I was forced to wait in, _Always_ everyone's favorite, I was alone" By this point Loki was yelling, face now red out of anger, " So you see you and I are as different as could possibly be, we are not brothers, nor were we ever!" Thor stood, starring at Loki, his mouth slightly agape and the hurt clearly evident in his eyes. This time the awkward silence was allowed to grow and fester until the room was thick with tension.

Then the silence was broken, but in such an idiotic way, that to this day, the speaker is still apologizing for talking, " So what an Ice Giant? Are they like the ' fee, fi, fo fum' type of giant or are they more along the lines of the jolly green giant in the broccoli commercials?" This time everyone turned to stare at Tony, who while the sibling fighting was going on, had grabbed himself a drink and was lounging at his personal bar. Some would say that was a bit early for alcohol, but in Tonys book, watching a godly soap opera play out in his living room called for some drinks, lots and lots of drinks.

Loki gave him the most scathing look possible, " Oh shut up. All you mortals are pathetic and brainless. I would say I'm surprised at you Thor for being in association with them, but honestly you're as, if not more, pathetic and brainless as they." It can be said that compared to what came next, the previous events were quite calm in comparison.

First Tony downed his alcohol in one gulp and slammed the now empty glass down onto the counter, " You wanna go reindeer games!" This wasn't exactly a question, and Steve saw a fight coming on and tried to be a good leader and step in and calm things down. But in doing so, he only raised the volume of the shouting that was now going on in the room. Thor also tried to intervene, but his method to end the arguing was to pick Loki up by his collar and shove Tony away with the other hand, pissing off both men to the extremes.

" Touch me again and I swear I'll rip off everyone of your girly hairs from your beard" Also high on Tonys 'Things that really piss off Tony Stark' list, was people touching him.

" THOR! If you do not cease, and put me down, I will obliterate this entire wretched world an make you watch as its people burn !" Turns out our god of mischief was not a big fan of being touched either. And all the while the threats continued, Bruce and Natasha stood off to the side, Bruce because he knew he would be no help in this fight without turning into the other guy, and if that happened he would have to deal with an upset billionaire and a wrecked tower. Natasha on the other hand hadn't step in because she didn't want to get involved in the pissing contest that was occurring. And Barton was just raiding Tonys liquor cabinet. Because he too had no desire to get in the middle of some angry gods and one man who acted like a god, also booze was a good for drowning out the death threats that were being yelled from all corners of the room.

Amid the chaos, Thor slammed his foot down onto the ground, shaking the floor " Everyone be quiet!" He yelled and then turned to his brother, who was still struggling to get free of Thor's grasp, " Loki, you come into Starks house, uninvited, argue, and threaten us all. It seems you were correct in thinking that any time on Midgard could not change you. If this short period of time shows anything, it reveals that you have let darkness cloud you mind, and this cannot be washed away. I will be taking you back to Asgard right now. So that you may not return to earth ." One can assume this was going to be followed up by a snarky, hate filled remark by Loki, but instead, a piercing, silver light exploded inside the tower with enough force to knock them all to the ground. After this, Stark tower would not be peaceful again for quite some time.

So this is my first fanfic and I hope you all enjoyed it. I do not own the Avengers and all rights go to Marvel. Trust me if I owned the Avengers things would be a lot different. I don't know how many chapters this story is going to be, but I'll try to update it frequently. Again thanks for reading! :)


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